Maybe You’re Just “TOO MUCH”!
Last week I talked about not being enough… But what if you’re really just too much?
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this. And a lot of research. I’m going down a lot of rabbit holes…
Even though I spent most of my life battling the idea of not being good enough, there was a part of me that always knew it just wasn’t true. I know that I’m intelligent, I’m determined, I’m a leader, and some part of me is even confident. Yet I couldn’t figure out how to show that to the world, no matter how many self-help books I read or podcasts I listened to or any of the other thousands of things I’ve been trying.
Maybe for you it really is about not being enough. I have a very good friend who I was discussing this with, and she said that is definitely it for her. She recognizes it, and is working through it. But for me, that’s not the case. There is a part of me who has always been in conflict with the idea of not being enough. And that is why I believe it is been so hard for me to break out of those constraints.
So, what to do…?
For the past two months I have been really digging into some personal growth things. When we start digging into those things and being open to ideas, things start to happen. Sometimes things that you aren’t even looking for come into play without you even realizing it. And looking back over the past two months, I can see a common thread in so many things that I didn’t think were related.
For example, I was on Pinterest one afternoon, going down THAT rabbit hole… I clicked on a pin which led to blog post, which led to another post,… You know how it goes, right? I landed on a site called Dress Your Truth. It looked interesting, so I decided to try the free course. After going through this, the wheels started turning. (Actually, the wheels were already turning. This gave them some speed.)
What if I’m really too much instead of not enough?
Now I’m not sure I had that conscious thought at that time, but I know it was there. A few days later I was talking with a friend and similar ideas started to come up. Then I was doing some homework for a business course that I’m taking, and everything just came together. It was like a light bulb came on above my head! I was able to see how everything I had found in this rabbit hole over the past two months fit together. And it was such a revelation for me! It’s not that I’m not enough, it’s that I’m too much.
So I started thinking about this… And I see a pattern going all the way back to childhood. I don’t think I was ever actually told these words, but what I decided about myself was I’m too loud, too bossy, too active, just too much. And I decided that those were bad things. So I learned to behave, and I learned to be still and quiet, and I learned to be more compliant and agreeable. I did everything I could to be “better”.
What I’m seeing now is that my nature has been trying to come through all along. By squashing it and trying to be somebody I’m not, I’m causing more stress and anxiety and physical health problems. So I think it’s time to actually be who I am, right?!
I am too loud… or maybe I’m just loud enough so that I can be heard. I am too bossy… or maybe I am a natural leader who has what it takes to get things done. I am too active… or maybe that energy is what it takes to move forward.
The most interesting part about this is the freedom it has created in my mind. When I was stuck in the idea of not being good enough, there was something wrong with me. I needed to fix this, to change that, to learn how to be more or better.
But the idea of being too much… I am strangely okay with that. It doesn’t feel like that is something wrong with me. Instead, if I am too much for somebody, that means I am not the right person for them. It does not mean I am wrong or I need to be fixed or to change or to be better. It’s simply means this is not the right connection. And that thought is so freeing and empowering!
I’m willing to bet that all of us have been told we’re too much of something. Maybe you’re too loud and too bossy like I am, or maybe you’re too soft and quiet, or maybe two standoffish, or too chatty… There are so many things that we can be too much of, but I would like to offer the idea we are really just right, just the way we are.
I think Jim Carrey sums it up well with this quote…
“Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world. Don’t let anything stand in the way of the light that shines through this form. Risk being seen in all of your glory.”